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Imagine being told every time that you are not meant to be here. That you should have died, or that they’re (the doctors) surprised you’re alive.

I’ve heard that…. maybe every year, for the last seven years.

At first it was shocking and it made me sad but over time it made me feel numb to the point now where I rarely cry. Think more so I am just numb to the statement, but regardless, the words still unearth emotions of tears every time.

I’ve always wondered why I was free spirited, why I did the things that made me happy or why I genuinely made others happy; sometimes even at the expense of my own happiness. I guess it was because I knew my time on earth was limited. God wanted something more out of me. I served a greater purpose.

So what happened? Where did all this sudden realization come from?

Well, it wasn’t sudden, I’ve always known this about myself.

Have you ever had a sense of purpose? Or ever understood your calling? I think I realized mine 3 or 4 years ago. All my life, I’ve wanted to help others and I really never thought about myself. I was a secondary thought and a secondary act, but I knew GOD wanted more.

So, I started seeking out ways to help people , but we would talk about that in detail, another day. Now, we’re talking  about why I’m meant to be here.

Three years ago, I was told I had an infection, going up to my brain I was shocked and hurt. After a while, I started thinking about how to solve the problem, crying wasn’t helping anyways. So how do I move on from the fact that at any given moment I could die?

I haven’t shared this with many people, but I guess it makes sense that it’s one of the reasons I love travelling, living each day as it comes ,doing the things I wanted and sharing love with people around me.

Why am I telling you this? Well, 2020 has been a year, It has been a year of crazy unknown scenarios, and more things started happening. I recently started having flare-ups all over my body and I initially attributed it to stress because..who isn’t stressed right now? COVID-19 came to re-shape many things globally.

Anyways, back to my allergies.//

I have always assumed I was allergic to berries, so I avoided them because I would always have breakouts anytime I ate them, but I haven’t eaten those in years, and all of a sudden, I’m getting prickly hives. At first, I overlooked it, but something in my gut told me to go and get checked up by a specialist, and I did.

I booked an appointment, and it took me six weeks to see the specialist. The american healthcare system is a joke.

My allergist office is only open twice a week for four hours… yes, it’s that hard to get an appointment. I finally saw the Doctor and I had an allergy test done. If you’ve never had an allergy test done, trust me, it’s the most annoying and irritating thing on this entire planet. They poke you with 30 different instruments all over your arm to see how it reacts. If your arm turns red and gets swollen, then you’re allergic to the substance they put on your body.

You sit for 20 minutes while they observe how your body reacts.

By the time the nurse was done poking me, she set a timer on the table and told me she would be back in 5 minutes.The time elapsed and, my whole body was covered with bumps and lumps, so much that the doctor had to come in immediately and the substances were wiped off me, because they were afraid of the potential solution.

He turned to me and said..

 “People are normally allergic to things, sometimes they don’t realize and it’s not fatal, but i’ve never seen patients allergic to everything you are, without having episodes in the hospital, so for you to be here is a miracle. I’m surprised you haven’t had many heart attacks, haven’t choked up or died”.

As blunt as these words were, it reminded me of the greater purpose for my life.

He asked me how I’ve been surviving, in my 28 past years alive, being allergic to everything, yes everything..plants, animals, soy, food… I’m literally allergic to everything and as they went through my results, he said he really felt sorry for me, and he was also impressed that in all my life I’ve never had a heart attack.

It’s quite strange that I just kept on going through life like an average citizen not knowing that all the things about me could possibly kill me.

“What do you do?” he asked

“I eat healthy, I don’t eat meat and I try to work out 3 to 5 times a week, depending on my schedule”

I do have symptoms, and recently, I’ve had my chest tighten up often and more frequently. He said that’s a concern because that could cause a heart attack

Some medications were prescribed  for emergencies- in case my chest tightened up.

After everything, he said it’s either I would take an injection every week for the next 6 months , which would reverse my allergies or I take tablets every day for the rest of my life.

Well, I didn’t like the idea of taking  injections for such a length of time and I hate taking tablets… medicine generally.

In the meantime, he said he’d prescribe something for the next 10 days because the injections I had received  made my body swell too much.

So..Are you meant to be here? Yes,you are.

Tough times come and stare us in the face, making us doubt the relevance of our very own existence, but how do you help yourself by reminding yourself that you’re meant to be alive, to serve a purpose to yourself and humanity?

We all agree life can present us with very overwhelming situations that make us question our value and uniqueness..

Take time to yourself..assess the heavy questions that would help you get a deeper meaning of who you are and what you are meant to do here..and don’t forget to always REST.

Considering my health condition, I think that’s what might have kept me alive, maybe that’s what kept me here and I’ll always tell people to take effective breaks even when you think you don’t need it ,because your body does.